Sinking into sweet uncertainty
deviant_beauty
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Name: amy
Gender: Female


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Member Since: 6/22/2003

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Wednesday, September 01, 2004

This summer I have learned the taste of a lotus seed. I have learned the scent of a king’s tomb, and the burn of sun so hot it feels as if your skin were mere wax. I have learned the loneliness of the road less traveled, and have been lost on its ill-worn path. I have learned a summer in a foreign land, where I found home for some moments suspended in time. I have learned that prejudices lie in the heart as well as the mind, and it takes digging for them to be rooted out. I learned sameness where I once would not have looked; I’ve learned of life in rotted crevices and hope I am better for it. I am wiser, and sadder…but wiser. It’s time to put all the pain and failures behind because it’s all water under the bridge and it will wear me down to silt if I keep it another year. It’s time to have hope for tomorrow, to see how much I can live today. It’s time to have something to say; time to stand up and scream it, cry it out. It is now time for an ending, so we can begin again.


Sunday, August 29, 2004

I want to stand on a ragged cliff, soaking in sheets of rain. I want mud to bubble into life, swirl liquid brown around my feet- splash onto my ankles and leaves stains of this moment to face later on. I want to stand where I can see the shadow of rainclouds thrown over my dirty, broken city; where I am safe, and they are protected, and we are at peace. My clothes are translucent- irrelevant in the coming mocha skies. I want to walk where angels cry into the dirt, wings torn and seeking new skin in mud and plasma. I want to stand on a canyon's edge- hairline border between death and reality, where tears are undertowed by rain, and there is no shame because everything, everything else is crying too. I want to breathe, drowning in this droplet of a moment; I want to fall down the ridges of stone, if only to be reborn.

Instead, the rain passes and the skies are painted red with the superstition of sailors drowned in the sea. Instead, I am alone at the top of the world, walking back to my car with no where to go. Instead, I am still here- not being reborn but remembering.

//edit. change will soon be coming


Thursday, August 26, 2004

I've never been motivated enough to write a 'Things to Do Before I Die" list but I feel like doing it now.

Ahem.

Things to do before I die

1. Go bowling in Williamsburg on a Saturday

2. Become a bartender/ develop bartending skills

3. Win a Pulitzer for something

4. Take a road trip with people I like & drown in a setting Phoenix sun

5.  Work on my tarot card reading skills

6. Get a cat

7. Get a New York apartment...maybe in greenwich village or soho

8. Get the money for an apartment in New York

9. Go to Europe and see if their night life is any different from ours

10. Mmmm....Go to Tokyo with sarah   : )

11. Move to Amherst again, if only for a while

12. Photograph

13. Reach 1000 paper cranes (have 600+)

14. Paint more

15. Paint ball

16. Dance better   -.-;;

17. Learn to cook exotic dishes/ mac & cheese cause its really a lot harder than it looks

18. Finally make my comic (excluding Jenn's)

19. Stay all night on a chilly aparment building rooftop (preferably with someone else) just to see the sun rise again

20. Have lived (interestingly) enough to be able to write a memoir


Monday, August 23, 2004

Relaxing in the calm before a storm.

 

 

 


Thursday, August 19, 2004

Currently Reading
The Picture of Dorian Grey
By Oscar Wilde
see related

 

 

Stupid people should be neutered.



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Sinking into sweet uncertainty